


Have to Try

by Jacinta



Series: Bruce's Padded Room [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Drunkenness, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-15
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-18 17:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/563624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacinta/pseuds/Jacinta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's on the mend but Bruce isn't coping too well. How to Avengers cope with not coping? They drink. Bruce just doesn't plan on drinking alcohol. Also the Bruce/Tony ship can be read as strong friendship that will later be seen all around the team, because if a guy saves your life regularly it's hard to hate him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have to Try

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think this one is as good as the one I did for Tony, but that's because I can't write much about suicidal!Bruce without crying which really kills quality. Feedback is always appreciated and if you think I own these characters you are an old man and a fool. Or a old woman and a fool. Old and foolish at the least.

_Sometimes you just have to try._ Somewhere nearby a glass fell off a table as he slid down the wall to the floor, he had given up fighting with the voice hours ago. _Even if the other guy survives._ Bruce looked sadly at the bottle in his hand, when his normal technique failed he tried to drown it. _Or are you too weak to even try?_ Shaking his head he threw the empty bottle across the room, annoyed by its lack of alcohol. _Pathetic, you’re not even angry at yourself for your MANY failures._ Twisting the cap he opened a new bottle. _Do you want me to list them?_ Shaking his head again Bruce took a gulp of liquid. _Perhaps the most obvious one, turning into a huge monster of hate and destruction?_

 

“No” it was pleading and drawn out of Bruce’s mouth without his full permission, high and whiny. _But you do. How many innocents have you killed?_ He could hear himself pleading, don’t continue, I know it all. _How much blood is on your hands?_ Carefully he picked up the other bottle, the special bottle, the small bottle. _How many families torn apart?_ With shaking hands he studied the contents. How special it was. It had taken him days just to be sure it would do the job. _How many homes destroyed?_ Poisons, several blended together for a small bottle of death, enough to kill **him**. He'd spent a few extra days working out how to brew it all without Tony noticing. Or JARVIS. _You’re an avenger now, avenge them. Avenge the lives you destroyed. Destroy the thing that killed them._ He opened the bottle and wrinkled his nose at the vile smell. Nauseating at best.  _Kill the beast that hurt them, killed them, destroyed their towns and destroyed your life._

 

The bottle was slapped away, the precious contents spilling over the tiles. Bruce sobbed bringing his hands up to cover his face. 

“Bruce.” Gentle, like he wasn’t a monster. _You failed. Now you have to find another fucking way to avenge them_. “Bruce” slightly more insistent this time.

He raised his head.

 “Please buddy, please don’t.”  _How dare he interrupt justice!_ “Look at me friend. That wasn’t vodka was it?” Tony was kind, gentle, softly teasing even now, it had only been two weeks since Bruce had let him be cleared for active duty.

“No.” He peaked out between his fingers to see Tony's sad face.

“Please don’t. I need you.” _He lies._ Bruce shushed the voice, giggling madly at Tony’s concerned face.

 

It wasn’t right to make him worry, but it had to end, he’d kill people again. Given time. He hurt those close to him the most. Betty. Tony. Steve. Natasha. Clint. Phil.

“Please Bruce.” Tears were forming in Tony’s eyes. Bruce wiped them away, missing and slapping Tony's cheek instead.

"Oops." Tony suppressed a wince. _Even in this form you hurt people. Pathetic._ “Why Tony?”

“C’mon big guy. We need you.” Tony’s arm was around the small of his back.

“Please leave me.” Tony pried his hands away from his face and lifted one of his arms over his shoulders. Bruce congratulated himself on getting full words out.

“Not a chance Bruce-y B.” The bottle fell the short distance to the floor. “Please Banner, upsy daisy” Tony hoisted him up to his feet where they swayed.

“Tony?” They started to walk. More accurately Tony more than half dragged a very drunk Bruce towards a couch.

“Yeah?” He huffed.

“Let me die.”

“As I said before, not a chance.” Tony gently deposited him on the couch. "I owe you for saving my ass. I need you alive for that."

 

Bruce realised he was crying. _Weak! Crying just because it went wrong –because of your stupidity- this time?_ From somewhere Tony pulled a soft blanket over him. It had a picture of each of the avengers on it, he wasn’t there, but the other guy was because he wasn't a hero, he was the disaster waiting to be directed at an army. He was no one. _No one at all._ Curling in on himself he let Tony pat his head and stroke his back and arm as he shook. Bruce allowed himself to cry, to blubber nonsensical and disjointed sentences into Tony's thigh.

"Please Tony. Please kill me." He whispered after what felt like hours.

"Not a chance. I need you still. Steve needs you. Natasha and Clint need you to patch them up all the time. I love you, I'd face down any big badie with you by my side but just getting out of bed in the morning without the promise of seeing you is near impossible." Tony whispered running his fingers through the other mans hair.

"Why? How could you love me?"

"Oh so we want reasons?" Tony smirked. "Well lets see. There's the fact that as a doctor you have a high probability of blowing my mind if we have sex. I've been with doctors before and it is amazing. There's the way you will start piecing the rest of us together before SHIELD even gets there while you're still butt-naked and half-dead from exhaustion. How the Hulk catches me when I get hit, how he tries to say Tony instead of metal man. How you saved my life time and time again. That one is a particularly good selling point" Tony looked down at Bruce fondly. Bruce was starting to drift off to sleep, lulled by Tony's melodic voice. "That you're one of the first people who can keep up with me even when I'm going at full speed and jumping from idea to idea like 'a meerkat with ADHD'." Bruce smiled weakly at the obvious quote from a board memeber "The way always know just what to say to people. Oh did I mention your cooking? I tell you that stuff is fucking amazing. It's possibly the best food I've ever eaten." Tony trailed off, Bruce had started snoring lightly.

 

Gently lifting Bruce's head Tony curled up around him, as though trying to protect him from the world. Wriggling under the blanket Tony contemplated their next move. He was still far from being good himself, but Bruce needed the limelight now, it was his turn for help.

"JARVIS, tell whoever gets up first to make blueberry pancakes. The next talk we have will be much better over yummy breakfast foods."

"As you wish sir. Need I inform Director Fury of recent events?"  
"No. Don't tell anyone for now, we'll let Bruce decide what to do tomorrow."

 

'What to do' turned out to find something, anything, to quell Bruce's pounding head before they found out how the Hulk dealt with hangovers. Tony almost wanted to see but Bruce's expression killed that idea, Tony might like the other guy but he didn't want to anger him too much. Guy could pack a strong right hook. Swallowing the glorious medicine Bruce looked around the kitchen. It was ten past eight so everyone was sitting or standing around, after Tony's... breakdown... JARVIS directed everyone present to the kitchen at 8 for a 'family' meal and daily sanity check in. Tony was acting hung over as well, probably to give him a cover if he wanted one, however thinking thoughts could wait because Steve was unloading hot and fluffy blueberry pancakes onto the table. No one ever talked before eating at these meals, not unless it was very urgent. Chatter would start up about halfway, after the first cups of coffee were finished and waking everyone up.

 

"You were drinking last night?" Steve asks Tony sharply. Tony wasn't meant to drink anymore, while he wasn't stopping completely he was limited to parties and light drinks with the others. Tony started to answer but Bruce but in.

"It was me. Tony, just tell them." He became very interested in his next pancake.

"Okay. JARVIS called me last night." Natasha had stopped eating to stare. "Bruce was impressively drunk, but his next drink wasn't going to be alcohol."

"Poison?" Natasha murmured, Bruce nodded sheepishly. "Why didn't you take him to the safe room?"  
"I would have had to leave him to get the suit to carry him. I'm not Thor or even Steve, and Dr Banner isn't particularly light. As I said, he was so drunk it was impressive he was still conscious and capable of forming words."

"I expect you will all move me to the safe room and place a watch on me. Of course you'll have to inform SHIELD, not that there's any point taking me off active duty."

"Gonna tell us why you tried to off yourself?" Natasha slapped Clint over the head.   
"Same reasons as last time."  
"Can I ask how are you taking it this well?" Tony was doing his serious face, giving Bruce the urge to burst into hysterical laughter before something bad happened.

"Well the second you found me I knew I wouldn't be able to make more of that poison. I've been through all of this before so I know the steps and I know that you won't let me go until all of you are satisfied that I'm back to my normal level of stability." Bruce shrugged. Tony frowned and Steve looked like someone ground his heart into a pulp and fed it to him.

"Tony, you don't get solo watches. You're still on probation and until we are sure you're not a risk to yourself you two won't be alone." Steve sighed. "Natasha, want to get Phil in on this?"

 

Bruce leant back and watched them discuss his and Tony's lives. He was sorry to inconvenience these people even though he knew any attempt to lessen the strain would be met with offence and maybe a harsh slap. It appeared him and Tony would be back to a non-suicidal and slightly healthier frame of mind regardless of their desires. Bruce smiled at his almost-family, they were fools to keep him around, but he loved them.

 

 Steve stood and firmly wrapped his hand around Bruce's upper arm and escorted him to the 'safe room.' He let the soldier strap him into the bed without resistance and waited to find out what restrictions would be placed on him. Bruce smiled at Tony who was led in as well and placed on the second bed they'd gotten. Everyone would be off to SHIELD while Phil guarded them.

 

Maybe Bruce could make a life for himself here with people who saw him as a person not a weapon or monster. He knew that while a person was feeling suicidal they were likely to focus on flaws, he knew all this. God did he knew he probably wasn't thinking straight, this knowledge threw a curveball in his mind and stopped him from being able to find his own mislead thoughts. Despite this he knew them. These people obviously saw something in him, just because he couldn't didn't mean it wasn't there and well, he was strapped to a bed in a padded room. He might as well try and see it too, not like he was going anywhere.


End file.
